How Did It Ever Come to This

by Danvers

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1.
Should've wrote this one down In the golden evening Before she figured it all out To hesitate, as the tides drag away The refrain That we keep selling to ourselves Expressway to AC and let it ride Told you I was unhappy And as unsure as I was then I’m trying not to admit. Casino air, and your windswept hair And the shorebirds. I’d rather find myself alone In the golden evening When she figured me all out She storms away, And I’m deaf to her graces The boardwalk’s just calling our faults The lonely melodies that we hum to ourselves Are more often than not Dysfunctional too (I’m not reliving, but drowning) As much a part of me as I am of you And I’m thinking we should talk this one over All the letters I would’ve liked to have written you Are stuck between chords and the notes that we cling to So glad you held on, but I can’t help But see through The song, and the sea and myself as an actor But when I said that, doll, I swear that I meant it Your muse and your curse And your heart, as an anchor the ones that we turn to Let’s just bury october
2.
at a loss for how to get through today close it all out, keep all thought, the onslaught at bay you’ll be your old self in a month, again you say but that’s 31 fucking days away between jobs and I’m on beechwood by the park dealing with the sudden shift in your emotional capacity I thank god I’ve got this downtime to really, fabricate, and then just wallow with this pit in my chest I tried to call you a bit after 8 when I knew you were home left a smile that was fraud, and I want to know basically everything even the drowning only heard your machine I tried to call you but you’re never around are you ok? are you gone for good? I tried to call you but I’m not sure i’ll find a spot north of ritner again The only The only thing I want to feel The only thing I want to know is how loud these speakers will go
3.
Save Bandit 04:40
letting go, if we’re honest is the hardest, she said like summer nights, philly sidewalks the first time I held your hand and slow the room, it’s set poorly what with all we could’ve said I try to paint a life without you, but I can’t and alice, you’re lost without me sing softly like a sparrow caught in rain but I can’t wait to know every single sad thing sign us in and count the days till the weekend, she said it seems we’ve been less than happy with our latitude, and when your shift ends I’m a sucker for all the ways your heart’s been broken If I could go back to the person you met, I would Isn’t this supposed to be like something out of a movie set? nothing against you, but I’ve got this yarn I wrote, it’s in a bottle, and it’s out at sea It’ll hold me back for a while spend half your life on the coast, just waiting for advice to slow and chapters to close let’s bookend this one with another way to be broken - it’s not like i won’t see you tonight I’m not ready to go so call the hotel you stood by and at times, I’d reluctantly waved goodbye to the grey and the last few snowfalls
4.
start here at the end of an era half-capped halls and what it meant to be it all went away along with my voice, lions gathered around me the lights go down on stage and for half an hour those years, in some way forever hold us back but i’m still taken aback by that, in awe of kids twice as bold as I we’re all a little fake sometimes its cliche at this point but something better than this town through with all charades i just want to scream out what I have to and it’s probably worthless but at least that shit is off my chest knocked at my window and stumbling, I let it in a new sharp set of ideals and the violence of a teenager, somehow “how can we get them on the next show?” he asks in his black t-shirt, “is it truly who you are, or it is some-” he’s gone, he’s waving from the bar avoiding everyone I know, man couldn’t possibly let them find out that we have only now and the needle’s getting kinda worn out
5.
A bitter storm ends, which you had your sights on Back in junior high, to lock yourself in Just keep it held up, till your arms just shake And the hopes are falling down your face before they were ironclad, and they were held up high Now they just keep you from sleep at night Undeserving, I Shot for the nearest exit sign July, we gave up, and its death to think What we could’ve gained if we’d just held out The fields that we ran, and I’m at the end of every edge I could’ve swore I had It’s not that hard, it was impossible July, we gave up, and its death to think all that could’ve been if we’d just held out some swore, I walked away It’s light, how the sun never met that treeline (for what seemed like days) and shapes who we are today I looked to the path we were taking, long, decided it wasn’t at all I blinked at the rows, and they soldiered on I thought “they’re on their own” Just carve out your heart to move forward, or don’t Dreams die every day Like wading through hell purposefully, you’re caught in high water still This moment is yours for the taking, long after the follow through You already proved you were valid Can’t bring yourself to anymore and that’s ok Are we better off Than we were back then? Do you regret what you’ve done? Are you over it? Are we better off Than we were back then? Did you not have the strength to slay the summer wind? Are we better off Then we were back then? Do you regret giving in to the undercurrent?
6.
this one’s gone on for far too long how can I withdraw, escape from scene again we were great at 22 and I had doubt, lying next to you, the quiet one, in your room that we’d make it last, a semester or 2 longing for the parallels we drew to the “new year’s project” to “mass pike”, and sunny day to the sunset of midwestern pa just like we were kissing in the rain making mix cds with your name finding a place that was open this late our hands met ‘neath a small library tree as you struggle with how to best reinvent goddamn the sentiment and the shelf I placed it on memorize lines to a dead-end song goddamn this indecision now he’s strong, he’s holding out the frame’s right, but the picture’s all wrong all I wanted was you but I could not fold call the bluff, and I’ll pine for your ghost i know all I wanted was you but I could not fold like giving in to your stronger old self you’re a ghost but all I wanted was you and I could not fold cut from a roseate and magazines and a lost cause you’ve not sung away aimless, and dreamt of before like a dead-end song
7.
find your own way home
8.
Harvester 02:48
Sure, I’ve been staying afloat But its like it all came and went I’ve got to stop counting Days (they’re fucking adding up) But I love these things Even if they’re boxed, unheard Rotting in my room It’s like I’m nervous or something Just hold out Should’ve held out months ago And set fire to this house (never step foot in) Then suddenly The crowd goes wild - we’re in front of thousands Like laying awake at eight years old Eke out another few hours of the night before it's lofty little man, but we’ll get there somehow “you’re nearly there”, “trust yourself”, Say something like that the same records we’ve worn in Can’t possibly lose someone like this they’re gradually fading again The crowd goes wild - we’re in front of thousands Like laying awake at eight years old Eke out another few hours of the night before Still trying to see at least a part of it through This is dead Proof that I’ll wait for no one The road is paved with former allies bodies strewn behind ere the vultures fly
9.
4 years to the day She’s hanging up She hangs it up In the backroom Malls and coffee shops Down 95 A stop that you’d bet your whole life on and Wilmington You’ll stop for nothing The questions were "Moving on?" and "are we accepting?" Wilmington You arrived how you should’ve Just cried like hell On the way She keeps the score so hard to celebrate oh, another year A call from the sunshine state, early in don’t miss your stupid ride and don’t hang it up be seeing you at 10th st for a while since Train rides, and state lines, and bright eyes You’ve got strength, you know On top the garage where you showed me the city but its the 4th of july and I’m not sure why you’re crying On the parkway And I’m selfish again, I see that now It’s always worse when we wake up Too proud to give in and it ruins us both We don’t need the moon Please answer the phone
10.
you knew from day one, or maybe I should’ve made it known all I see is the way through but I’m failing at keeping everyone else on the narrow was it such a great offense? Do you not feel your old ambitions constantly tugging at your back? where do the sirens go? if they’re laid out plainly, the fools aren't as tempted to follow its like they never wanted it like they never wanted it do you ever want something so bad it clears the way but the way ends up less bright read the words from liner notes every time that I felt overcome by a song I heard in the early aughts through a couple shit amps old friends that I’m still learning to love others still tend hate my guts from something that I said, or maybe didn’t say over ten years ago tired of failing at keeping this hull above and everyone stoked, where did our awkward years go? if you knew how close to calling it quits that i was down with all “tonight”s, down with all track ones these millions of frontmen have ever composed cast a spear to all unbowed, and not a step behind from every time I heard “I’m in”, “on-board” and it seeming like a great idea at the time we’d kill to have this one underway but the thing I’m coming to realize is aspirations only carry us like zero percent of the way so just be like salinger be married to it we can still make something great one day i’ll learn to compromise flip another page to the wayside
11.
It was a gross misunderstanding the ground we gained here is retreating and I should’ve seen, that fall your parts were blank, after all It’s fine, it's a misunderstanding yeah, quietly plotting the assail reams of what we deserve iron state of disrepair and you’ve had it with amends just trying to follow through with this try to reconcile the hours that we spent on melwood a familiar highway home quick as they appeared how do I stop this from continuing? locked up, and caught up in your room to no avail reminds me of the time that we bonded over dixie the parkway would look better if I was plummeting a step from this new bridge was it a slight again? and an old friend’s singing in my head step away from this new found “like failing…” It was a gross misunderstanding the ground we gained here is retreating and I should have seen it coming for whatever I did for whatever I said wrong to you (how can I possibly lose) for whatever the limelight said

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released September 16, 2019

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Danvers Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

fast punk with 90s emo and hardcore sprinkled in

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